In which I begin sending invitations

While browsing wedding invitations this evening, I came across a lot of designs that while horrible for a wedding, would be perfect for other occasions. As such, I'm planning to spend thousands of dollars to ensure that I have a collection of invitations for all possible events. From now on, any event wherein I will need other people to attend will solely be coordinated through invitations. Some examples are below:

Let's say I need an impromptu meeting in ten minutes with some programmers and a couple of artists. I will have interns deliver my "Please Attend An Impromptu Meeting" invitations. Those who will attend, will need to respond withing 5 minutes via RSVP, and send the enclosed "thank you for the meeting" card after attending.


Below are my new "You are cordially invited to lunch with Adam" invitations. These will be sent to the lucky few who I will attend lunch with each day. The enclosed invitation will list the restaurant and provide directions to "Taco Shack" or "Burger King."


The following "Request For A Sick Day" invitations will be sent to the production staff as well as H.R. on a morning when I am feeling ill. The enclosed card will contain a link to my "sick day registry", where concerned co-workers may purchase things such as video games and electronics to make me feel better.

The sad part of this whole blog, of course, is that I'm only half kidding. I am seriously considering holding a dinner party with two guests where absurdly fancy invitations are sent out, or inviting the team to go see a movie with me where they must RSVP via an enclosed card.

Important aside: NONE of the above designs are under actual consideration, as they are atrocious. I just grabbed three random images.