NPD Fanboy Awards - November.

NPD sales are out for November. For those who want a sane analysis, I'll share the summary.

PS3 sold really well. This is really good for our industry.
360 sold even "really weller." This is really good for our industry.
Wii sold well. End sentence.

NPD time is like fanboy catnip, though, so it is time for me to troll the internet looking for how the die-hard, single console "lifers" interpret the information. Here we go!

All posts from N4G.com...the single greatest depository of inane fanboyism on the internet. Be warned, logic is not a pre-requisite to get an account:

Orakga wins the "Conspiracy Theory" Award:

"1.19 - Come on guys... 600,000-ish 360 banned during the week of MW2's launch.

Let's say half of them bought new 360s (and chances are more than half bought a new machine); that's 300,000 360s they re-sold to existing 360 users. Subtract that 300k from the 360 number and you have 500k for 360 vs 700k for PS3.

I suspect Microsoft was saving this trick up its sleeve this whole year, knowing that it'd give a massive sales boost to its hardware..."

Sparta76 gets the runner up prize for "Conspiracy":

"1.37 - Hey guys u forgetting

60g 360 for 199
600,000+ banned from live( that alone shot the arcade to #1 on amazon)
and bestbuy was selling refurb arcade for 99
sooooo don't expect the same out come next month....
Not that any of these things are bad, m-soft knew they where in trouble and did what they had to do. "

Sikbeta wins my spelling award with:

.47 - ...

You guys are SO funny, you see only what you want to see

·You see a M$ victory here, but you can't see the wii still selling better than the others, so where is the victory?

·You see that xbox sold better and it never come to your mind that "maybe" is because is more CHEAP than the PS3, people that want gaming but don't have enough money, still have more choices, yes guys, in the REAL WORLD people aren't damned fanboys that only want ONE console, they can choose

·You don't see MW2 (aka the best seller game of the year) bundle not helped in teh sales, look what is your best seller game and you'll see the answer by yourselves

·You don't see that +600000 xbox owners were banned and they could buy another one, they don't going to quit for a banned console

You just don't see... "

Armogangsta wins my "denial" award:

9 - so this doesnt count amazon at walmart.....

judging the success ps3 had on amazon and when i went to walmart during black friday and ps3's were flying out the shelves.... i feel like these numbers would be a tad bit different.....

How about Osirrus and his "gloom for MS" award:

"25 - MS better sale more if its gonna win this christmas. 100k in the US Won't cut it World Wide! Price cut maybe?"

"On that" note, the "bu.bu.bu.wait until next month" award goes to Jigga69 (classy):

"7 - Funny how 360 fanboys

never knows how it works. If you think that PS3 won't outshine 360 this december, a bad surprise is coming.
Modern Warfare effect NOV. "

I don't talk Europe and Japan of course we know 360 lose

Finally, my award for "best spin" goes to:

5.1 - I believe microsoft said that the effect of the PS3 price drop wouldn't last

They completely blew that call since the PS3 is still selling way above last year and haven't slowed down at all, not including the first week price drop blow out sales, no way to keep that kind of sales pace :) On the other hand the XBox price cut only managed to give them numbers around the same as last year.

Thanks everyone...until next month!

Random images from ATG...

So many stories to tell about the good'ol "Advanced Technology Group." And tonight I will share none of them. Instead, here's a few (horrible quality) shots of some random times from a company that no longer exists.

Ever wonder what happens when there is one, and only one impossible system-level audio bug that is keeping a multi-million dollar game from submitting? The answer is in this picture, where the one programmer with the expertise works tirelessly at his computer, while half a dozen high-powered engineers and production staff literally sit behind him to make him feel uncomfortable.

Not another one, you say! Actually, this is sort of the "good" antithesis of the previous image, where one senior engineer is giving a lesson to some new guys on the intricacies of profiling on 360 versus PS3.

A shot of the "dock", our open-air programmer workplace "funtacular." For those wondering, those pictures of teen sensation "Cody" and the gang are mine...I inherited them from our previous tech director. I, of course, actually pasted those on his wall back when that was his desk...which I later inherited. Karma.


Tip to future interns: Don't go on vacation for a week, or else this will be what your desk will look like when you return.

Finally, a random picture from a work lunch, where the gang discovered the World's largest piece of Indian food.

The December Ritual...

December marks the time for my yearly ritual known as "re-install Windows." Why, you ask, do I have to reinstall my operating system every year? The answer, if you will calm down for a moment and let me finish, is simple. Remember that new fancy computer your built? Remember how blazing fast it was for the first hour? OK, now think of all the programs you've installed and uninstalled, all the registry changes, the millions of temporary files that have come and gone, the hundreds of pieces of spyware you downloaded and purged, the gigabytes of files you've moved around, fragmenting your hard drive to bits, and the various installations that have failed, leaving a trace memory of themselves in the form of "random crashes". These things destroy that poor computer.

Sure, like the rest of you, I do my best (in the beginning) to maintain my computer. A regiment of defragging, anti-virus, file organization, anti-spyware, firewalls and the like stave off problems for a few days. A week in, however, you notice that your WOW fps has dropped from 60 to 58...then to 52...then 47....then 26...then 11. The reason for this is simple:

• The Windows internal defrag tool works by moving your files around in an orderly pattern. It then randomly deletes 15 entries from your file partition and replaces them with viruses..."just for funs."
• Press ctrl+alt+del and you will notice that "system idle" is eating up a ton of your processer time. While some might lead you to believe this is because the computer is doing nothing and thus there is "idle" time, in truth I believe this is an app that is constantly running a countdown which informs Windows to permanently suck up 1% of your processor time every 3 days. This means that on day 1 your 2Gigaherz processor is running at 2Gigaherz, and by day 300 it is running at 0 Gigaherz. This cannot be recovered until Windows is re-installed.
• Upon every bootup, windows inserts 4 programs, randomly selected from it's internal "most inefficient code ever written" database, and permanently adds them to your startup files.
• Upon startup, windows executes the following block of code:

if (userLogin == LoginNameForAuthorOfJabroniReport) setWindowsSpeed = UltraSlow;

I ran a time test of Photoshop on my current dual-core machine (yes, just a dual core), versus my control machine, a Commodore 64 with the 1541 floppy drive. It turns out, in terms of image editing, it is faster for me to program a C64 version of Photoshop, from scratch, on a platform that is physically incapable of running Photoshop, then run the progam off of 10s of thousands of disks than it is for me to boot the program on my Windows machine.

The process of a fresh OS install takes me weeks. I have to comb half a dozen hard drives to find the "good" files, back them up, then double check to make sure I didn't lose something vital. I then need to find and document all the programs I own...many of which I don't even remember needing until it is that ONE time a year I need it (hello FlashFXP). Then I have to format and install Windows. Then the process of installing all my programs, some of which, such as Visual Studio, will literally take until next December to finish installing. Finally, I need to setup all my shares to work with Xbox Media Center...which I'm convinced is a process that can only be achieved by using a combination of luck, skill, and a form of Caribbean Voodooism that hasn't been practiced since Colonial times.

Let the fun begin!

Time talk about "that" other blog...

I was putting together my Christmas list, and I remembered a toy from my youth I wanted called "The Revenger." So I stuck the name in Google and x-entertainment came up with the link.

The Revenger

This leads to the deep dark secret of this Blog...the author of X-Entertainment is my Doppelganger. He is my long lost brother. He is my nemesis. He wanted everything I ever wanted, tries everything I want to try, and in general is my much cooler Blog brother and BlogMate. I've been avoiding throwing you the link because, deep down, I know I'll never see you again. I've also been hoping to plagiarize his stuff when I'm out of content. But since that cat is out of the bag, I highly recommend checking out his link of awesomeness. Please, don't give up on me, though, because someday I will have something cool to share and damn it, at that point, you'll feel pretty darned bad you left.

This link to x-entertainment pretty much speaks to my soul in a way nothing else ever has...and it consumes me that he is on the cutting-edge of journalism while I stand in his shadows.

What I want to do with my life

Seriously, be honest folks, for those who know me, doesn't the following sound like me...but just somehow better.

"Collecting old cans and bottles of soda, preferably full, is one of the things about me that I try to hide from those closest. It's a shameful hobby, I admit, but it's not my fault God wired me in such a way that I cannot live without two sealed cans of Surge serving as bookends for six or seven really light books. Because sodas obviously grow rare when they're discontinued, they aren't exactly the cheapest thing to collect. So, let's try to squeeze an article out of them to justify the fact that I can't afford new soda because I bought too much ten-year-old soda."

Present Time Again...

It is Thanksgiving, which as we all know, means it is time to sit down and clean out the Amazon wishlist to ensure that people have the opportunity to shower me with the gifts I demand. As such, I present my Christmas List 2009. If you know me, you'll be able to search for my wishlist by my personal email address, if you don't, here's some highlights. I'm including this just to give my readers some insight into my awesomeness-level. Not featured are a new desktop, a tablet-pc for better note taking at work, a pony, and a million other things.

Items not featured are what I call the "hall of lost dreams presents", where the presents of my crushed childhood fantasies live. On that list, in addition to the Robot featured elsewhere in my blog, is my N.E.S. featuring ROB, my Millenium falcon and AT/AT walker, my Jabba the Hut playset, and a host of other 80's fantasies that leave a hole in my heart.

Please note, if you are purchasing gifts for me, please remember that my happiness depends entirely on receiving every single item on my wishlist, in addition to a number of thoughtful gifts you have purchased on your own.

Also, we should do a secret Santa at work.

Also, also...it is late, and I don't feel like formatting this list. Deal with it.

• Return to Treasure Island [PAL] - Miniseries of my youth.
• No, I don't own it yet.
• e-cigarrete starter kit. I like new things. Also, smoking is cool, but Katie yells at me. This solves all my problems in the world.
  
• Electronic football
• The worlds great fair DVD
• The Atlantis Blueprint
• Does anyone REALLY believe I'll make it all the way to Christmas on this one? Anyone?
  
• Drood: A novel
• A cook's tour...See my Tony post.
• Mall Madness...because Katie made me take "Dream Date" off my list.
• Game Engine Architecture...from the fine folks at Naughty Dog.
• Warmly Inscribed...A meta-book about books
  
• City of the Dead.
  
• Beck: Common Sense
  
• Madded NFL 10 (SO late this year)
• Xbox 360 12 month Live Gold Card...because I'm curious about this "online" thing.
• An Inconvenient Book: Real Solutions to the World's Biggest Problems
  
• Arkham Horror
• Borderlands
• Just checking if you are still reading...or am I...(I am)
  
• The Road...for I feel I should own at least one Oprah book.
• Not sure how I missed this one.
  
• Pygmy, by Chuck Palahniuk

And it goes political again...

"Feds Mull Rules, Fees to Spur Net Acces"

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125850641299752981.html?mod=WSJ_hpp_MIDDLENexttoWhatsNewsSecond

I have written and deleted about 10 pages worth of text/rant on this subject...but to avoid pushing my views on impressionable young readers, I opted to simply post the link and allow you to reach your own conclusions.

Literally the last thing I would want to do is "put myself out there" by advocating for a political-economic viewpoint that may be...less than popular...in an industry dominated by 20-somethingers. As such, I will do what I always do and keep my opinions to myself.

Unrelated image I found on the internet:

On critiquing someone else's blog...

I stumbled across the article on the information superhighway entitled "Fanboys: 8 reasons why they deserve some respect."

http://www.gamesradar.com/f/fanboys-8-reasons-why-they-deserve-some-respect/a-2009111712333308004

For my less savvy reasons, a "fanboy" is defined (at least by me), as an internet poster who blindly defends his or her (his) console of choice with complete disregard for any and all common sense.

A PS3 fanboy would respond to the article "Call of Duty sells 2 million units on 360 and 1 million units on PS3" by saying "Well, D'uh...we're so busy playing PS3 exclusives we don't have time for 'crappy' multiplatform games like Call of Duty." They would then respond to the article "Activision shows PS3 leading Q1 profits over 360" by saying, "just goes to show that PS3 gamers love a quality multiplatform release like Call of Duty 2."

This is a horrible example...but I find the whole concept maddening. Note, this does not apply to the other definition of "fanboys", who rabidly and unconditionally love a product and buy everything the creators produce...I LOVE those fanboys. Love.

So...I'd like to put together a thoughtful and reasoned debate to the headings for the blog post I mentioned earlier in this post. Enjoy, dear reader, my detailed counter arguments to the 9 reasons why fanboys deserve respect:

Article Point 1: They're passionate about something they love and since when was that a bad thing?

Rebuttal: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_11_attacks

Article Point 2: The internet would be 62% less entertaining without them

Rebuttal: 62% of 0 is...anyone?

Article Point 3:They persistently make noise about actual, real issues that are important

Rebuttal: No. No they don't.

Article Point 4:Without them, there would be no one else to keep the spirit of old, long dead consoles burning so brightly

Rebuttal: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atari_Jaguar

Article Point 5: They pay attention to all the boring slides at E3 press conferences

Rebuttal: I like slides.

Article Point 6: Game communities would fade away faster without fanboys

Rebuttal: I disagree.

Article Point 7: Fanboys love it hardcore

Rebuttal: I don't know what this means, nor did I read the actual text of this article. Therefore, the argument is null and void.

Article Point 8: Let's face it - there's a little bit of fanboy in all of us

Rebuttal: On the other hand, did you think of the fact that we don't? Also, no.

As you can see, I have definitively proven my case, although with my superior argumentative skills and mastery of the language, it was hardly a fair fight.