Monday, April 25, 2011

Browsing the CIA website after watching "Alias"

Tip. Don't watch the first four seasons of Alias and then browse the CIA website (https://www.cia.gov).

You will quickly discover several things, categorized as follows:

A) They use HTTPS. This, in retrospect, seems obvious...but just to check, NASA does not. Nation secure.

B) Out of the dozens of jobs the CIA has, the "cool ones" are filed under Clandestine services, including such titles as Paramilitary Operations Officer/Specialized Skills Officer. You, like I, are not qualified for these positions. You, like I, are more likely to find employment as a Truck Driver or Sign Language Interpreter (really?).

C) Again, it makes sense in retrospect, but it looks like the CIA is the last place on earth that still employs "Cartographer." Seriously, for all of you who went to school hoping to draw maps of areas of the earth that satellites haven't seen for some reason, here's your chance. Mom is proud.

D) Blogging about one's browsing experience on the CIA's website, while initially funny, will most likely seem less so tomorrow morning when I am blacklisted.

E) The kids section is AWESOME. It was also the single most terrifying browsing experience of my life, since in my mind the CIA is obviously using this as a recruitment tool. Somewhere in Virginia, a lonely IT guy and a recruiter are staring at the empty traffic of the kids section looking for their first visitor...watching the answers closely.

https://www.cia.gov/kids-page/games/index.html

Seriously...how awesome is this? "Break the code." "Aerial Analysis." "Photo Analysis Challenge." All of these clearly designed to find me. Unfortunately, I clearly failed the "coloring book"...aka the psych evaluation...even though I chose red, white and blue for the helicopter, my usage of brown on the ground was clearly the wrong choice. It should have been green grass.

The end.

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