When a new employee starts at a video game company, the following tend to be the first three questions they ask:
* Where is the coffee machine?
* Where is the bathroom?
* What exactly is it that a Producer does?
It seems to be a rather time-honored running joke that no one really knows what Producers "do." Sure, everyone interacts with them, and everyone seems to like having them around, but due to a number of factors, there tends to be industry-wide confusion over the specific things a producer does and is responsible for. Part of the problem is that each company and team uses them in slightly different ways, part of the problem is that they spend so much time in meetings that they are often gone for huge chunks of time, and part of the problem is simply a lack of evangalism on behalf of the discipline. As such, I am going to "pull back the curtain" of my schedule to give you some true insight into what it is that a producer does during the day.
9-10am: Producer's Lounge. You know the "company lounge" with the vending machines, the rotating snack machine and the various arcade cabinets that people play for three minutes and then never touch again? Well, every morning, after we have security ensure that no one is within sight, we enter the code "020611" (Reagan's Birthday) into the soda machine. The machine then swings back to allow entrance into the modest Producer's Lounge. After giving the 24/7 bouncer the secret handshake, Producer's are ushered into the industry-standard 11,000 square foot lounge. The 17th century furniture, Ivory encrusted knick-knacks and the golden go-kart course allow all Producer's a chance to unwind to prepare for the difficult day ahead. At 9:59 all Producers take a $400 shot of Cognac and head off on their way.
10-11am: Scheduling Meeting. One of the key duties of a Producer is to maintain the schedule for the game. Of course, not everyone knows how we generate such an amazing schedule that never needs adjustments. Today, dear readers, I will explain. A bad producer schedules a task based upon the time available or the time they "think" something should take. A naive producer talks to the person doing the task, and then uses that number. The number received from the person will be "2 weeks", no matter what the task is. A mediocre producer has a "standard" multiple in their head they apply to the estimate to "pad" the numbers. An "OK" producer uses per-person experience as well as their own knowledge to try and come up with a realistic timeline. A great Producer, however, has risen to the ranks of "Level 11 Produceran" and thus is handed "The Secret." I may get in trouble with my Brotheren, but today I shall share "The Secret." All tasks, regardless of complexity, take 48 hours. Adding a button to an editor? Schedule 48 hours. Writing a renderer from scratch? Go ahead and pencil in 48 hours. Creating a vibrant, open-world city? Cool...I'll see you in 48 hours.
11-12am: Compensation Committee Meeting. This is the hardest part of the day. Here we have to balance our desire to reward an incredible, hard-working and talented team with our desire to not actually pay anyone any money, thus keeping the vast treasure trove of the budget open for our own compensation. This is a painful, time-consuming task. First, we take a look at the budget available for compensation, and set aside a modest 70% for production staff. We then go through the annual review paperwork people spent days filling out, and use it as blank paper to play tic-tac-toe on. After we've used-up all the "scratch paper", we shred it and then set aside another 20% of the budget for Production. We then semi-arbitrarily assign salaries based upon the following criteria:
* Has the person in question ever done anything whatsoever to upset Production? If so, 50% of their compensation is set aside for Production.
* Has the person in question ever done anything whatsoever to make Production happy? If so, 50% of their compensation is set aside for Production.
Once we have the final numbers generated, we then cut everyone's final compensation by 20% and set that aside for production.
12-1pm: Lunch. Nothing fancy, just standard lunch with the team. Something delicious but cost-effective, like Hot Dougs or Cemitas! This is a great chance to unwind, to bond, and to catch up and subsequently ignore any issues that people have been having during the day.
1-3pm: The real lunch. After we get back from lunch, all the Producers head off to the "real lunch" at one of four pre-approved four star restaurants. We dine on organ meats cooked in the fat of extinct animals on plates fished up from the Lucitania, wearing the standard "Production Lunch Uniform" consisting of the robes of the Romanovs, socks made from Unicorn horns and no pants.
Coming up next...we focus on "Post-Lunch" duties. This series is dedicated to "Jon", because he felt that the Jabroni Report had gone off-the-rails with lame WOW news.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
On helping with C++ homework via wow...
Tonight, largely because the good programmers in my guild (and here at work) were all in a raid, I got to help a former guild mate with his C++ homework.
It turned out to be fairly simple
Aside: I think this post could have been better accomplished via Twitter.
ToDo: Get Twitter account.
It turned out to be fairly simple
- "Do/While" syntax was wrong...he was using a"(" and a ")" instead of a "{" and a "}"
- The compiler gets confused when you define a variable as "num1" and then try using it as "num 1"
- Couple misc logic issues.
Aside: I think this post could have been better accomplished via Twitter.
ToDo: Get Twitter account.
Intern Proposed Game Design for "Intern Wars"
As part of my continued effort to utilize our interns as slave labor to create content for the Jabroni Report, I present the second article in the "Intern Series", in which I give the interns a homework assignment to generate content for the blog.
This week's assignment was to write up a brief proposal for a video game called "intern wars." This was the only direction they had, and I'm pretty thrilled with the response I got.
Quick Aside Before You Begin: I only received responses from 2/4 interns. You'd think, as an intern, that your "end goal" in life would to be considered for a full-time position, no? I'm not saying these exercises are mandatory, or anything, but they are mandatory.
T-Bone's Concept For Intern Wars:
My ideal “Intern Wars” game is mashup of Joust and Robotron, where every player controls a little intern character. The player can run, jump, and most importantly, latch on to other interns. This game is best with four or more players.
When an intern jumps on top of another one and presses a button, the intern on top becomes a rider of the intern on bottom. In this form (attack form), the player that was controlling the bottom intern can now control the movement of the two characters, whereas the top character can aim and shoot water at other interns. At any time, either player can press a button to ‘unlatch’. It is important to note that ‘attack form’ is the only way to attack other characters.
The shootable water is replenished by picking up water pails that will spawn around the screen. Water can only be acquired when not in ‘attack form’ with another character.
The aim of the game is to soak your fellow interns by forming and breaking alliances. Once an intern is hit with enough water, he is ‘fired’. If interns are hit with water in ‘attack form’, they are split apart.
At random points in the game, an UNDEFEATABLE? ‘supervisor’ character runs on screen, chasing after the closest intern with a pink slip. If the supervisor manages to come in contact with an intern, that intern is fired.
Once only two interns remain, the game goes into sudden death mode, where ‘attack form’ is no longer allowed. At this point, interns who were fired can ‘go postal’ by throwing water balloons from outside of the arena at either of the two interns left. Once an intern is hit, the game is over, and the other intern has won.
Tony's Concept For Intern Wars:
My vision of "Intern Wars" would be a party game with a bunch of mini games. 3 players would be interns and the forth would be the boss. This would be primarily a 4 player multiplayer game that should be played with all players in the same room, but the game could be played over the internet.
This week's assignment was to write up a brief proposal for a video game called "intern wars." This was the only direction they had, and I'm pretty thrilled with the response I got.
Quick Aside Before You Begin: I only received responses from 2/4 interns. You'd think, as an intern, that your "end goal" in life would to be considered for a full-time position, no? I'm not saying these exercises are mandatory, or anything, but they are mandatory.
T-Bone's Concept For Intern Wars:
My ideal “Intern Wars” game is mashup of Joust and Robotron, where every player controls a little intern character. The player can run, jump, and most importantly, latch on to other interns. This game is best with four or more players.
When an intern jumps on top of another one and presses a button, the intern on top becomes a rider of the intern on bottom. In this form (attack form), the player that was controlling the bottom intern can now control the movement of the two characters, whereas the top character can aim and shoot water at other interns. At any time, either player can press a button to ‘unlatch’. It is important to note that ‘attack form’ is the only way to attack other characters.
The shootable water is replenished by picking up water pails that will spawn around the screen. Water can only be acquired when not in ‘attack form’ with another character.
The aim of the game is to soak your fellow interns by forming and breaking alliances. Once an intern is hit with enough water, he is ‘fired’. If interns are hit with water in ‘attack form’, they are split apart.
At random points in the game, an UNDEFEATABLE? ‘supervisor’ character runs on screen, chasing after the closest intern with a pink slip. If the supervisor manages to come in contact with an intern, that intern is fired.
Once only two interns remain, the game goes into sudden death mode, where ‘attack form’ is no longer allowed. At this point, interns who were fired can ‘go postal’ by throwing water balloons from outside of the arena at either of the two interns left. Once an intern is hit, the game is over, and the other intern has won.
Tony's Concept For Intern Wars:
My vision of "Intern Wars" would be a party game with a bunch of mini games. 3 players would be interns and the forth would be the boss. This would be primarily a 4 player multiplayer game that should be played with all players in the same room, but the game could be played over the internet.
To start the game, a boss will be randomly selected of the four individuals playing. Each player will create a unique avatar to represent themselves. The boss will then give each of the interns a creative and funny nickname that represents the avatar.
Some of the mini games I have thought of so far are:
Race to see how fast you can fill the water for the coffee machine
Each intern would have their own viewport and copy of the course for this game. The game would consist of an obstacle course where each intern has a container. The interns must go to the water cooler, fill their container and travel back to the bosses office with the water. Water will spill out for making fast turns and tripping over obstacles. While the interns are gathering water, the boss can add obstacles to an individual's obstacle course. The intern that fills the water machine the fastest wins this game.
Who can break the build the fewest number of times
This would be a button sequence and memory game. The boss will click a series buttons, the interns must repeat the buttons clicked. The intern with the longest complete memory series wins this game.
The scooter races around our building
Interns have to race against each other around the building on a scooter. The players can hit one another and the boss can throw obstacles and power ups on the course. The player to complete the race first wins this game.
Prank the bosses office
I believe this mini game would be similar to pac-man vs. The Interns would have to coordinate to sneak into the boss's office while the boss is off checking up on the other interns. The interns collectively will gain points if they successfully prank the boss's office, but will take a penalty for each time they are caught.
The intern with the highest score at the end of the game will be hired as fulltime employee. If the players choose to play again, the winner of the previous game will become the boss of the next.
In which we go "all in" on Fireflys
One of my World of Warcraft goals is to garner enough money for a $20,000 Gold mount that travels with its own set of vendors and repair people. It is just the sort of ridiculous luxury purchase with no real value that I enjoy so much. Of course, $20,000 Gold is a lot of wow money. To give the non-wow players an idea of the scope of this thing, each quest completed in the game will net you from 3-20 gold. Thus...this is a lot of money.Of course, there are other, more efficient, ways to rack up the gold. The most popular is the "auction house", where one can craft or find rare goods and then charge other players whatever the heck they want for them.
One such item is the ultra-rare "captured firefly." It is a stupid pet (seen above) that follows your character around and looks neat. It is about a 1/1500 drop chance off of a specific set of bad guys in a very specific place. We'll ignore how statistics actually work for a second and just say that you have to kill a TON of these things to get a firefly. Like you'd have to spend days and weeks killing the same thing over and over just to see one. As such, they tend to sell on the auction house for around $5,000 gold.
So...as I was searching the AH I noticed a character named "szbb" selling TWO of them for $1,500 gold. TWO. I bought them both. I then managed to sell one of them for $4000 gold...quite a tidy profit.
Then, today, our dear friend "szbb" had SIX more of these guys up. SIX. So...based on the name, this guy is clearly some sort of a farmer. Either he has a bot setup to find these things or he has some sort of a duplicate item hack. Thus...I now have a conundrum. Keep buying the things and go "all in" or quietly walk away.
I went "all in." That means I now own a total of seven fireflys, and I have very little cash reserves left. Honestly, to unload these bad boys I may have to transfer servers...each server only has so many fools like me willing to sell out big gold for stupid items.
On the other hand, I also reported this guy so that Blizzard can investigate. The fact is, if I can't get "rid of him", he'll win in the end by deflating the price on these things so much that I can't get my money out.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The post wherin we discuss the thought processes behind email delivery...
This snippet of email consumed me on my drive to work this morning:
“My kids school is closed today, (Snow Day)...
I will be in as soon as we can coordinate some place for them to hang out today.”
You see, every email that comes in my inbox is instantly evaluated against the following major criteria.
1. Is this issue an emergency that needs to be dealt with immediately?
2. Does this need follow up?
3. Is there an opportunity for a hilarious response?
It would seem, at the outset, that this email falls under “Criteria 3.” There are some problems with this, though:
1. This involves a co-workers child. A response would need to be tempered with an even greater deal of respect than usual while still providing that all-important “chuckle factor.”
2. The person who sent this email is, at least currently, outside the traditional “ring”” of witty email spam responses that tend to go around.
So, where do we take this? The obvious, if not lame answer, would be the following:
“Bring ‘em into work and let’s get them setup with a computer!”
Haha! Jovial back-slapping goodness. This joke would have been hilarious if I worked at IBM circa 1957. I do not.
The next route I explored was “social commentary”, something to the effect of the following:
“Plop them in front of the television, the parents of the 21st century”
This doesn’t really satisfy the criteria of “funny”, though. We are trying to use email for its true purpose, hilarity, not to make a statement.
There’s the tried-and-true “abandonment angle” response, which would look something like this:
http://www.f-r-c.org/index.php
There are just far too many potential pitfalls with this approach. Did this person have a painful adoption that would send them into a quiet catatonic state? Not a risk that I’m willing to take right now.
So, upon arriving at work, I settled on the following response:
“Thanks for the heads up.”
Brilliant!
“My kids school is closed today, (Snow Day)...
I will be in as soon as we can coordinate some place for them to hang out today.”
You see, every email that comes in my inbox is instantly evaluated against the following major criteria.
1. Is this issue an emergency that needs to be dealt with immediately?
2. Does this need follow up?
3. Is there an opportunity for a hilarious response?
It would seem, at the outset, that this email falls under “Criteria 3.” There are some problems with this, though:
1. This involves a co-workers child. A response would need to be tempered with an even greater deal of respect than usual while still providing that all-important “chuckle factor.”
2. The person who sent this email is, at least currently, outside the traditional “ring”” of witty email spam responses that tend to go around.
So, where do we take this? The obvious, if not lame answer, would be the following:
“Bring ‘em into work and let’s get them setup with a computer!”
Haha! Jovial back-slapping goodness. This joke would have been hilarious if I worked at IBM circa 1957. I do not.
The next route I explored was “social commentary”, something to the effect of the following:
“Plop them in front of the television, the parents of the 21st century”
This doesn’t really satisfy the criteria of “funny”, though. We are trying to use email for its true purpose, hilarity, not to make a statement.
There’s the tried-and-true “abandonment angle” response, which would look something like this:
http://www.f-r-c.org/index.php
There are just far too many potential pitfalls with this approach. Did this person have a painful adoption that would send them into a quiet catatonic state? Not a risk that I’m willing to take right now.
So, upon arriving at work, I settled on the following response:
“Thanks for the heads up.”
Brilliant!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)