We're going to start them out slow...so the topic I sent them this week was "Give the number one thing we could do to improve your experience as an intern." Next week I'll ramp them up slowly...most likely by having them write a Jabronireport dissertation comparing and contrasting Tolstoy's War and Peace with the seminal Goldthwait classic, "Shakes the Clown." (Ed: Is there really anything to contrast?)
That said, I am proud to present...the interns!
T-Bone's Post on improving the intern experience:
I think the thing that is truly missing in intern life is a sense of hierarchy. I believe interns should have levels, and thus, privileges. For instance, I started working here in May of ’09, and Skittles started shortly after that. Months later, we have Shakenbacher and Rasputin show up on the scene, being melded with us into “The four Kore-Tech interns.”
Seniority has had a few perks. When I don’t want to get the water, I have another intern do it. It’s a proven method that just works. But as far as respecting the older interns goes, this is simply not enough. I want piggy-back rides to the water cooler. I want to be able to clap twice for Rasputin, three times for Shakenbacher. I want interns that do not respond to their claps to be punished (Forced to piggy-back ride each other). When called upon for intern mating purposes (quite another thing that could be done without), I expect to be able to defer the task to them.
At least I got the best nickname,
T-Bone
Rasputin's Post on improving the intern experience:
The coffee machine water refill system could probably use an upgrade.
The current system:
Adam calls Sakkos to request that an intern assigns someone to refill his coffee machine with water. Sakkos calls T-Bone to the task. T-Bone calls Skittles, who works in the same office as T-Bone, to assign someone to assign someone to refill the coffee machines water reservoir. Skittles assigns the task to Shake'n'Bake via the phone. Shake'n'Bake then calls Rasputin to pass the task along. Rasputin can't figure out how the phone system works, so he searches for a missing water jug, gives up, grabs the water reservoir, and fills it with water. With 4 interns and 2 managers, involved, this must be a pretty good system. Still, it seems like there could be a faster way.
It’s not that we haven’t tried. The team has looked to legendary process designer Rube Goldberg for inspiration. I have seen whiteboard schematics to add a fan, a mule, a cat, crack cocaine, buckets, and pulleys to the mix. Nothing seems to help. I am pretty sure the solution involves more interns, I think we need to get the new art intern into the process.
Editor's Comment on this post: I promise, in every way, that the system to get water for the coffee pot currently works as outlined.
Skittles' comment on improving the intern way of life:
[Ed: Comments removed]After a few weeks I started to warm up to my nickname, KOKO, but my coworkers decided to have some fun and change my nickname each week. Luckily they became sick of this system and to this day my nickname is Skittles. I do not have any scientific proof, but the nickname has been going on so long now that I think I respond better to Skittles then my actual name.
Editor's comment on this post: This exercise was supposed to be "funny." The original intent was to have the interns write something, and then I would jokingly comment on their comments. Skittles, however, decided to use this as an opportunity to point out an actual injustice in the system, and thus, similar to to Sinclair's "The Jungle", Skittles' social commentary deeply affected me. As such, from this moment forth, Skittles is no longer "Skittles", and is now "Anthony!" Welcome to the majors!
